The Grind

     Have noticed lately that God is really teaching me to trust Him (lesson we seem to all need over and over).  The last few weeks have been really challenging.  I came here two months ago hoping to proclaim the Gospel, that my feet would be beautiful, as Paul points out in Romans 10.  In a few moments I have shared Scripture, parts of my personal salvation, or explained what baptism is, but there is no glamour and "missionary" exhilaration in every moment (the kind many have experienced on a 7-10 day "mission trip").  I knew in my mind that would be true.  I have read enough stories and heard enough Christian workers speak to know that life is still hard and laborious sometimes when you are seeking to share the Gospel full-time.  But until you get there you don't really know what everyone means.  And each situation is different too.  Here, my schedule is changing 4 of the 7 days in a week.  A few things are stable in their neat little American time slots, but I'm adjusting to an almost "freestyle" ministry here. That has been different for me.  I feel it fits my personality at times, but is not what I've been used to for much of my life in America's suburbs.
     This is not necessarily bad always, just different. I do miss the predictability of a school schedule and look forward to the teens and children here settling into a routine as well.  Have been able to meet and play basketball with several teenage boys and hope to start tutoring them soon.  That should add a little more regularity to my schedule.  I'm reminded often here that God is not always predictable, so schedules don't always dictate the need of the moment with Him.  Boasting about what I'm going to accomplish tomorrow is not wise as Prov 27:1 reminds us.  I'm learning the wisdom of that firsthand now.  Living by faith involves trusting Him in the routine activities of life and the spontaneous moments.  Both are needed and present in seasons of life.
     Internal spiritual battles can be so much more weighty and draining when you are not busy all day, but spend more time in prayer and Scripture study as I have at times.  The evil one tries to tell me that I'm being unproductive by reading a book about Clarkston's refugee resettlement history, by spending a few more minutes chatting with a friend, or by insisting on a longer time for Bible study some days.  But God has sustained me and sheltered me.  He has been my refuge as He says so often through David's psalms.  My glory and honor depend on Him.